Oh Good to See you Again

I feel like I am always apologizing for not writing. It has been a very tough week. I have been in a LOT of pain. I have been living on painkillers. I have only taken one Vicodin and that was Tuesday night and I was snowed the first half of Wednesday. I pretty much walked around in a daze until I ate at 11:30. I cannot do that to myself unless it is really worth it. And I had swept, mopped and vacuumed that night so I was in really rough shape. When Josh got home I made him hold me and I cried into his shoulder. A good cry being held by the one that you love can make everything all better. At least that it would seem that way.

There is only so much pain that someone can suffer without losing it. I have been on the edge all week. All I have to say is poor Josh. I am cranky more than I am happy. Sometimes I think that I should just go straight to bed when I go home. But then I know that Josh would starve or gain 20 pounds from going out to eat all the time because I wasn't cooking.

On a different note. I went and saw baby Olivia this weekend. She is adorable. When I get my camera back from my mom I will post pictures of her on here (with her mother's permission of course). She is adorable!!! She had beautiful big blue eyes!! She is darling. I always feel uncomfortable when I hold a baby for the first time. It takes me a little while to figure out what they like, what soothes them, how to get them to stop crying. All of that stuff. So at the beginning of the day I want to give the baby back. But by the end I am ready to bounce and sway and play. Still not ready for my own because I was glad to hand her back when I left. I know that motherhood is beautiful and rewarding. I am just to ready for my life to change that much.

Finally, we took Ben to the airport on Sunday so he could fly back to Ft. Drumm. It was sad to see him go. We found out on Sunday that he is leaving for Iraq sometime next week. I haven't agreed with this war since the beginning. I never understood why "W" thought that this was necessary. I just think that he wanted to finish what his daddy had started. Which is the absolute worst excuse ever. Reports have shown there weren't any WMD's, our excuse to be there. I see absolutely no justification for the US to be there. NONE! How can George Bush sleep at night knowing he has killed so many innocent people. Not only Iraqis, but US soldiers and civilians. I guess it hits closer to home when a family member goes. Josh's family whole-heartedly supports this. How can they? Josh argues that they are "pro-soldier" not pro-war. I guess that I don't see it that way. Something that the father of one of the soldiers killed said really rings true.

"Two weeks ago, Augie had called home from Iraq after spending 26 days in the field. They had not heard from him for five weeks, and their son's voice seemed to reflect a change in his convictions about the war.

"When he first arrived in Iraq in March, he was full of optimism about what his good intentions could accomplish," Paul said.

But Augie's enthusiasm eroded over time, and his father said he will never forget what his son told him.

"The closer we are to departure, the less 'worth it' this has become," Augie said.
In a way, Paul was heartened by his son's words.

"When you first get there, you think everything's hunky-dory," he said. "But after four operations, the insurgents were still there. He didn't think they were having any effect. I heard him and thought, 'Well, the bloom is off the rose.' I was opposed to this war before it even started, and my son is a sharp kid."

He caught himself.

"Was," he said, as he started to sob. "My son was a sharp kid. ""

Movin' on Up

I received a phone call today. By the way having a last name like honer makes in hard to type phone. It always comes out phoner. The call I got was from the nurse at Dr. B's office. She said that she noticed a cancellation in the Dr. K's schedule for the 1st of September. Which if you remember is almost 2 weeks sooner than my original appointment. She also told me that she will keep an eye open for any further cancellations. I am so excited. Too excited for words!!!!!!