I know I have been a bad blogger. My mother brought that to my attention last night. The funny thing is my mother can send me packing on a guilt trip without warning. Maybe that is why I have become such a responsible person. The fact that if I don't follow through I am riddled with guilt. Or if I say the wrong thing I feel guilty about it. I don't only feel guilt right then and there, it recurs every time I think of that conversation. In fact I had a bought of guilt last night over an e-mail I wrote to some co-workers last night.
I checked my work e-mail before I went to bed. There was an e-mail from our department head about not following through with a protocol. The e-mail was sent as a reminder of the recent change in protocol and that one of my GPCR group (there are 5, soon to be 6 of us) had deviated from the protocol. The general demeanor of our group is supportive, but we tend to pick on each other. When a mistake is made it is common to joke about the mistake. Never in a negative connotation, but jokingly. We all have a thick skin about it and know when to stop. So, naturally when this e-mail is sent about one of us making a mistake I send this e-mail to the group. I poked fun at the mistake and then continued to write them to let them know what was up with me. When I originally wrote the e-mail I meant to send it to the 3 guys in the group. At the bottom of the e-mail I said that I hadn't heard from any of them since I had left. I added my supervisor as an after thought so that she could hear how I was doing too.
The guilt kicks in because I didn't want my supervisor to think that this comment was about her. She came to see me in the hospital and has written. She has been wonderful about the whole thing. I tossed and turned over it for a while. I thought about sending her a separate e-mail. In the end I fell asleep. I got an e-mail from her today telling me about work and another inviting me to lunch with the group next Wednesday. I am SO happy to be getting out of the house to see them! My guilt washed away and I didn't even think twice about it all day.
I also had an e-mail from one of the guys. To be honest the guy that I least expected to hear from. It was pleasant and funny and made me smile. The thing that has gotten me thinking is this: He first said that I must have been raised Catholic because Catholics are good at sending people on guilt trips. He said he knew I meant that those jerk guys didn't care how I was. The funny thing is I sent him on a guilt trip without even realizing it. All that I wanted was someone to write to me. I am getting VERY lonely. It is hard to spend day after day in a 1200 sq ft apartment without feeling like the walls are closing in.
So I guess that I have learned either a famous woman or Catholic trait across the way. What do you think? Do Catholics pass along the guilt that the church makes them feel onto others? Or is it something we woman have honed across the years to get what we want? Either way, is this something that can become so subconscious that we don't even realize that we are doing it anymore?
