I have been meaning to write for a couple weeks now. I looked at the date and cannot believe that it has been a month since I posted. I guess that is because time has flown.
I have been trying to start this exercise regimen. Well actually, I am successful at half of it I guess. My WONDERFUL therapist Marc has an exercise regimen set up for me. I am to ride my bike one day, walk the next and take the following day off. Rinse and Repeat. My goal is 5 miles biking and 3 miles walking. Well I am 1.5 miles away from the biking goal and think that I will reach that. However, the walking thing just isn't going well. I just don't think that I like walking. It is too slow and boring for me. I am only up to 1.2 miles and cannot seem to get past that. I have been Nordic Walking. It is really great for cardio and it works your tummy and your legs so that is a bonus. It is just too hot for me to do this. I get hot and "melt" as my mom calls it and I just feel like I am going to die. I am not, but I feel like it.
The thing is I need this success to move on with my life. I love Marc dearly! I am so happy that I found him as a therapist but, I need to move on. I need to get past this chapter of my life and move onto the next. A year ago I was more than ready to get onto bigger and better things and then my knee started bothering me. This year, I keep living in fear of the next pain, the next problem. This is such a fear I think that I am having a hard time moving past it. I have started to notice little twinges and small pains in my left hip and knee. I panic because I am just waiting for the floor to drop out from under me. Waiting to hear that I need surgery on that side too. I feel like I have been limited for so long. That I am always going to be that way, like I will never be able to lead a normal life. I want to be able to not worry about my body. I want to be able to do things normal people do.
Marc is really starting to prepare me for life without him in it. He is advising me on my future. The fact that I can NEVER stop exercising. I have to keep moving, whether it is biking, walking, swimming or all of the above. I think that I can do that but then not doing it is so easy. I have to remember to push myself. To say "OK, it is exercising time. Lets get out there." It is a hard change to make. I don't know why I keep fighting it!
