Scared

I have always thought of myself as a strong person. That all seems to change everytime I have a health problem. Especially related to my joints. When I had my first knee surgery I cried because of never being able to basketball again. I cried before surgery because I was scared shitless. I cried shortly after I was told that I would have to have surgery again. Lump in my breast same deal. My health scares me. When there is something wrong with me I lose it.

Recently I have been having a LOT of problems with my right hip. I am sure that the irritation has been escalated due to my weight gain since high school. But that isn't my concern at the moment. My concern is how can I get motivated when I cannot walk comfortably. My hip has been cracking and popping. When that happens I stop. I stop because of the pain screaming through my body. It screams from my hip down to my knee. Sometimes even through to the ankle. Oh I don't have to be stand for this to happen. I can be readjusting myself in bed or on the couch. Therefore there is no safe place that I can be. The pain can come with a blink of an eye.

So when I went to the Dr for my usual woman appt I told the Dr. of my pain. He could not see anything wrong with my x-ray so he sent it to a radiologist. The radiologist said that he could see the early stages of arthritis setting in. Also, that I had a condition called congenital hip dysplasia. This is more common in young children. Everything that I have read does say that if you have a mild case it may be difficult to diagnose. If you have a less severe case you can live with it for years and not know until you reach adulthood. On top of all that I have a flat spot in the ball at the femur head. So what is supposed to be a nice ball joint is kind of jagged sometimes. This does explain the pop/pain phenomenon that I have experienced. My doctor didn't have a lot to offer in the way of suggestions to fix this. He just said that he hopes that it isn't necessary to replace the hip due to my age.

I am off the the Sports Medicine clinic again. I am scared. I don't know what to expect. I don't know how to deal with it other than breaking down into tears.

Stupid Dogs

"Dogs chase a ball and bring it back to you. How dumb is that?"
-Paraphrased from my Aunt Mary Lou.

My question for her is.... "If it keeps him busy with little energy on your part, what is the problem?"

Jackson played Go Fetch all afternoon into the evening yesterday. He was occupied, having fun and he ran a lot. Needless to say he passed out in the car almost as soon as I pulled out of the driveway. He slept the whole way home. Only stirring to change positions. He walked into the house and plopped down on the couch. He got up to go potty, went back to the couch. I don't think he moved all night. He was laying exactly where I left him when I got up this morning. He was still hard to stir to get up to go potty this morning. The little thing is wore out. Atleast he had fun doing it.