Houseguest

So our friend Matthew has moved in with us for the time being. Matt recently decided to change careers from law enforcement to a Customer Service Rep for US Cellular. Josh and Matt met freshman year. Matt lived on Josh's floor. He is one of the guys! Since Matt has changed jobs and areas to live he needed a place to stay until he finds an apartment. It is nice and fun to have someone that you don't get to see very often come and stay with you. I know that Josh really likes having him around. SO I am glad that he is here. I love Matt to death but sometimes I just want to scream. I forgot how when you start living with someone things start to bother you. Josh is a quiet person. He doesn't talk much. Matt talks, and talks and talks. Talks about love, sex, work, his job change, his feelings, his ex, the army, talks during movies, you name it he talks about it. Now like I said I love him to death but, sometimes a girl needs a little peace and quiet.

Bored at Home

This being stuck at home thing isn't all that it has cracked up to be. I am
5, almost weeks post-op. I have worked my way through a lot of my projects. I have started doing some Christmas shopping online. I have almost all of the Christmas Cards done. The truth is the first 3 weeks at home I was still taking naps and resting. The past two weeks I have been starting to go stir crazy. I have knitted and read. I have watched 5, count them 5 seasons of The Soprano's! I am on season 5 of Sex and the City. I have 4 episodes left and then I will have to rent the 6th and final season. After the Christmas shopping is done and I have all the presents wrapped I will pull out the One Stroke Painting. I have been a little nervous about that because I don't have the best fine motor skills. I am worried that it will come out all screwed up! I will try though and practice makes perfect. Hope that I have enough to keep me busy here. After the 19th I will have a better idea of how long my mini vacation will be.

A Catholic Pastime?

I know I have been a bad blogger. My mother brought that to my attention last night. The funny thing is my mother can send me packing on a guilt trip without warning. Maybe that is why I have become such a responsible person. The fact that if I don't follow through I am riddled with guilt. Or if I say the wrong thing I feel guilty about it. I don't only feel guilt right then and there, it recurs every time I think of that conversation. In fact I had a bought of guilt last night over an e-mail I wrote to some co-workers last night.

I checked my work e-mail before I went to bed. There was an e-mail from our department head about not following through with a protocol. The e-mail was sent as a reminder of the recent change in protocol and that one of my GPCR group (there are 5, soon to be 6 of us) had deviated from the protocol. The general demeanor of our group is supportive, but we tend to pick on each other. When a mistake is made it is common to joke about the mistake. Never in a negative connotation, but jokingly. We all have a thick skin about it and know when to stop. So, naturally when this e-mail is sent about one of us making a mistake I send this e-mail to the group. I poked fun at the mistake and then continued to write them to let them know what was up with me. When I originally wrote the e-mail I meant to send it to the 3 guys in the group. At the bottom of the e-mail I said that I hadn't heard from any of them since I had left. I added my supervisor as an after thought so that she could hear how I was doing too.

The guilt kicks in because I didn't want my supervisor to think that this comment was about her. She came to see me in the hospital and has written. She has been wonderful about the whole thing. I tossed and turned over it for a while. I thought about sending her a separate e-mail. In the end I fell asleep. I got an e-mail from her today telling me about work and another inviting me to lunch with the group next Wednesday. I am SO happy to be getting out of the house to see them! My guilt washed away and I didn't even think twice about it all day.

I also had an e-mail from one of the guys. To be honest the guy that I least expected to hear from. It was pleasant and funny and made me smile. The thing that has gotten me thinking is this: He first said that I must have been raised Catholic because Catholics are good at sending people on guilt trips. He said he knew I meant that those jerk guys didn't care how I was. The funny thing is I sent him on a guilt trip without even realizing it. All that I wanted was someone to write to me. I am getting VERY lonely. It is hard to spend day after day in a 1200 sq ft apartment without feeling like the walls are closing in.

So I guess that I have learned either a famous woman or Catholic trait across the way. What do you think? Do Catholics pass along the guilt that the church makes them feel onto others? Or is it something we woman have honed across the years to get what we want? Either way, is this something that can become so subconscious that we don't even realize that we are doing it anymore?

D-day

Today is the day. The day that I have been waiting for and dreading with every cell of my being. I am sitting here in my towel starving. I know that I wouldn't usually be hungry at 4am, but just knowing that I cannot eat makes it all worse! I would be lying if I said that I wasn't nervous, but I know that this is all for the best. No pain, no gain right? Keep me in your thoughts and prayers over the next couple weeks. I will be home on Sunday. I hope that I can write a post soon after I get home!

See you on the flip side!

Notes From Across the Country

I am currently sitting in a Starbucks in Bellevue, Washington. Bellevue is a suburb of Seattle. So I think that this an appropriate thing to do here. I feel like a nerd with my coffee and my laptop. When in Rome....... So here are some notes from all over.

First, I am having a good time at the conference. I have learned a lot. I have survived my poster presentations thus far. I am taking some time off this afternoon. My brain is pretty well fried at the moment. There a couple of more sessions that I am going to at 5 and 5:30. I will stand by my poster for another 1/2 hour or so then head back to my hotel room. I have had a couple tough questions. The hardest was an asian man with a french accent who spoke REALLY softly. I think that I answered his question. His english wasn't very good, so I am not sure. I had poster copies available so he can email any other questions that he may have.

Secondly, I went to the space needle and pike's place market in Seattle. I drove there and back and didn't get lost. Thank the good Lord that Mapquest was right this time. I will post pictures when I get back. I got to the top of the space needle and realized that I forgot my camera. So I had to spend $17 on a disposable camera. I was pissed. So I made sure that I used the most of it. I took a TON of pictures. Too bad it was cloudy that day. I left during the rain in Madison and landed in the rain in Seattle. Go figure!!

What else? I received a call from the Red Cross. My blood I was mutilated for last week was unable to be used. There was a clot in it. The woman on the line asked me if it was a difficult donation. I told her it was the WORST donation experience that I have had in my life. She was shocked and apologetic. She wanted me to come in and donate more blood. However they only have self donations on Wednesday morning, otherwise I would get off the plain going straight to the Red Cross.

I don't know if there was anything else that I can tell you. I am going to go out to dinner with a co-worker tonight somewhere near by. She is arriving tonight for the final day of the conference tomorrow. She is staying at my hotel so I left her a note for her to get when she gets here. I have really enjoyed my trip. I wish that I would have had some more time to go somewhere else. My grandfather mentioned the Boeing field in Seattle. I don't really have that much interest in seeing planes. I know that Josh would have loved to see that. Microsoft is based nearby. I did all that I really wanted to see.

When I get back home I will try to call my grandparents to make sure that they are still there. I am sure that they are as Wilma has hit 100 miles south of them.

Final thought for the day. One week from today I will be under the knife. Fear is starting to set in. I cannot think about it without getting butterflies in my stomach. I truly hope that all goes well!!!

The Idiot with the Harpoon

I had to give 2 pints of blood prior to my surgery. I gave on the 3rd. I gave myself a break and gave the other pint today. I am a pretty regular blood donor so I give blood as often as I can. We aren't rich people so helping out by giving blood is a small thing that I can do to help! So I eagerly agreed to donate blood for my surgery. I would rather get blood from myself instead of someone else.

A co-worker of mine is also having surgery next month and is self donating. We went on the same day the first time that we donated. So we had the same nurse draw our blood. We both agreed that this woman wasn't quite right. She donated earlier this week and had a different nurse. I went yesterday and had the same dimwit!

I had blood drawn earlier this week for my work up at the hospital so my right arm was bruised. She thought that we should use the left arm instead. I thought "Ok, I have had problems in the past maybe this will be different!" She put the needle into my arm. The blood wasn't freely flowing. She proceeded to move the needle around in my arm. She pushed it in further and pulled it out. The thought of it now makes me gag. I almost passed out from her moving it around so much. On top of it they may not be able to use that pint of blood because it took so long to collect!!!! So I was pretty frustrated.

The Waiting Game

Are you as sick of hearing about my surgery as I am talking about it? I am sick of talking about it but I get questions daily from people about how my hip is feeling and asking details of the surgery. The thing is right now. I don't think that there is a day I am not in pain. I wake up in pain every morning. It doesn't really matter how I sleep. It happens. It is especially bad if I wake up on my right side. Which happens more often than I would like. I cannot control the rolling over that I do at night.

What a difference a year makes! A year ago I was worrying about the wedding. I was droning on about the wedding blahs.... believe me I checked! I was complaining about my messy house and all that I do is wedding stuff. One year later same story different event! Except my house is messy because it is difficult for me to clean it. I can do some things but I pay for it later. So sometimes I feel like why even do it? I called and checked on the couch. Slumberland said that it should be arriving there around the middle of the month. Which is in a week or so. Hopefully they keep up their end of the bargain.

Anyway. Have a good weekend. We are attending game night at a co-worker's house tomorrow and not really doing much on Sunday. We shall see. The Slackers play at noon. Maybe we will watch it! Maybe.....

A Little Light Reading

Since Josh worked last night I did some reading up on my upcoming surgery. I also think that it is important to be well informed about what people are doing to your body. So, I did what any scientist would do and did some research. I found several papers. I found a handout from a Dr in California that is an expert in the field. The handout was written VERY well. It explained the surgery, the recovery. It confirmed that yes I would have a catheter (something I have dreaded since being a CNA. Thank God I am not a man!!). I also found out that after surgery they leave a epidural catheter in your back to help with the pain management for 1-2 days post-op. Sometimes they put you into ICU post-op to watch you in those delicate hours after surgery. The pamphlet says that the 3rd day you should be up and walking. This really comforted me. I thought WOW! 3 days I really won't need the help at home I will be fine. Yeah!

Well this morning I decided to complete my search while wasting some time at work. I am having a slow week! I found a website that scared the shit out of me! It is a forum for people who have and will have Ganz Osteotomies or Periacetabular Osteotomies as they are called. The people on there are real. They aren't some doctor trying to sooth you. They feel that you should know the truth to prepare yourself for this surgery. There was one woman who has a horror story to tell and she told anyone who would listen. You tell yourself that she is the exception not the rule. She had an awful doctor to begin with. All I know is that everyone says the first week is the worst pain that you can imagine. You are unable to lift your leg into bed on your own accord. That a toilet seat is a must. We are getting the handheld shower head and chair. They were all 8 weeks not weight bearing. Some drove in 3 weeks. I am hoping for the best! I am not sitting here crying about it. I feel as though the knowledge that I have gained is a weapon. I am aware of it and can prepare myself for it as best as I can!

Happy Birthday Betsy!!

Today is my sister Betsy's birthday! She turns 23 today! I cannot believe my little sister is that old! I wish I had a cute picture of her to put up. Maybe I will find one later.

Topic-o-rama!

I have nothing in particular to write about today. First things first. Surgery! Where to start. I keep thinking that I am going to wake up and this will all be a big joke. The Dr. will say, "I am sorry, we mixed up your records with someone else's!" That is because I am scared to death! I am in so much pain I want it to go away. However, I wanted the easy fix not the hard one! I don't know if I have the strength to go through this. Like this morning I thought "Wow! I feel great! No pain, what a good day! Maybe it will all fix itself!" Even though I know that it isn't true. I want to talk about it, but I am so sick of talking about it. If that makes any sense. I talk about it because there is so much that I have to do beforehand!

In preparation of the big event, we bought this couch. We should have it by the middle of October. I have a line on a raised toilet seat and shower chair. Thanks Kimmy! After I go to my pre-op appointment I will be off buying running pants to wear during recovery. I have to wait until then because I need to know if I will have a cast or not. If so, I will be buying a larger size. I am collecting books to read. I may even pick up my One Stroke Painting stuff and learn that while I am home, bored to death.

My goal of this post was to talk about all the things happening in my life and here I go rambling about surgery!!! Ugh, see it takes over your mind!!!!!

Let's see.... Went to my friend Billee's bachelorette party this weekend, we had a blast!!!! We went out drinking and partying. We went to a strip club! It was a LOT of fun! We were all pretty much hammered that night. I didn't however need a whole day to recover. I was feeling pretty good by the time the Packer game started. Then I slept through halftime and the whole 3rd quarter!

What is up with the Packers this year? 0-2? They need to get their heads out of their asses! Thank GOD the Badgers are doing well. Otherwise this state would be on a football drought! We are used to winning, not getting beaten by one of the worst teams in the NFL!

Oh, I have officially lost 15lbs on our diet. I think that is about what Josh has lost. I am happy to say that my cloths are fitting a hell of a lot better. I am fitting VERY nicely into a lot of my clothes from last fall! The highlight? I won't have to buy all new cloths this fall. I have had to do that the past few years. My Goal is:~4 weeks to surgery to loose another 10 lbs. Hopefully that happens. All of this has been with change of diet. Since I am in so much pain I am unable to exercise. I am sure that it would be more if I were walking and stuff like that. Soon enough walking will be a HUGE chore. So I will burn twice as many calories as I do now walking. Although I will be doing less of it.

I am all set for my conference in Seattle. Al l that I have to do is go over my poster one or two more times, send it to the printer and I am READY! I am VERY excited about this! I cannot wait to see the west coast! I hope it doesn't rain the WHOLE time that I am there!!

Finally, Chase family brouhaha this weekend! I am VERY excited to see all of my Chase family! It isn't very often that we all get together!

Oh and Josh's mom's birthday is Monday, so we are going up either Saturday night or Sunday morning to spend time with them. I hope it goes well!

Oh Josh's grandma Flossie has to undergo hip replacement surgery. We will probably be going under the knife about the same time.

That is all for now!

Ganz Osteotomy

That is the procedure that I am having done. To read about it check here and here. This will be done on November 1st! I haven't quite gotten a hold of this concept yet. I am really not looking forward to surgery. But it NEEDS to be done and I will be better in the long run. Hopefully hip replacements are a lot less cumbersome in the future. I will have to have one!!!

I couldn't have said it better myself

Go read this article. This is a beautifully written post about George Bush and his attitude on Hurricane Katrina. I think this articulates what we see and why some of us are having problems with ole "W" at the moment.

I have not written about the Hurricane for one reason. I don't want to. I don't know how to put into a comprehensive sentence what I am feeling. I see enough of it on TV and on Internet news sites. I don't need to expand this further. In the last week my emotions have been the following:

1. I am enraged at Bush for his lack of emotion. Everything he says sounds prepared, and trite.
2. I am ashamed of the government. Wal-Mart trucks were the first to arrive and to be turned away. It should have been the national guard arriving first.
3. I am saddened by the devastation, the suffering and the now homeless.
4. I am sickened by the thought of what it smells like down there. The rotting corpses, the feces, urine and gas all a cesspool of nastiness, that will be dumped into the lake and river.
5. I cry when I see all those faces so helpless, so alone, especially the children. The pets left behind are heartwrenching too.
6. I am proud that the citizens of Madison have stepped up. See here and here.
7. I am proud that Wal-Mart has stepped up! Proving that they have a heart!
8. My heart is warmed by the amount of generosity that citizens have. The millions of dollars we have donated. Keep it up!!!

Sorry I forgot!

Here is what I found out at the dr appointment.

As you know I have been having problems with my right hip this summer. I found out that I have congenital hip dysplasia. The best way do describe it is by the pictures below. The picture on the left is of a normal hip. The picture on the right is of a hip with dysplasia. I do not have to deal with the bone spurs as shown in the pictures. I do however have a tear in the labrum (the cartilage that lines the hip socket). The tear may partially be due to the shallow acetabulum. The area that is torn is where the acetabulum is now (pic on right). The Dr feels that the tear may be due to the pressure on the hip in this area because the acetabulum does not cover the whole hip joint.

I am scheduled for surgery on November 2nd. At this time it will only be an arthroscopic surgery. Therefore it is less invasive than regular surgery. This may change however. On the 12th of this month I have to meet with a pediatric orthopedic doctor. The reason I have to meet with a pediatrician is because this disorder is more common in young children. My doctor is concerned that the pressure on my hip that caused this tear may cause another one in the future. The tear may occur again because the pressure on my hip is in a location where it shouldn't be. In a normal hip the pressure is on the bone not the cartilage. Therefore labral tears happen due to injury not due to change in pressure on the joint. The doctor on the 12th will determine if a lengthening of the acetabulum is necessary. If so the surgery will definitely be more invasive with a longer recovery time. The doctor does not think that this will be the case but he wants to check everything out first as he doesn't want to have me return in 6 months with the same complaint.
I know that this is 2 more months in pain. At this point I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I see that there is going to be an end to the pain. I have an idea of when and I have something to look forward too. The doctor said that surgery may be moved up. This is good or bad in my mind. As you may or may not know I am headed to Seattle for a conference at the end of October. I do not want to do anything to jeopardize that trip. However if I can be cleared to travel I may be able to do it earlier. At this point I am not counting on this as I don't want to be disappointed if it doesn't happen.

So this is what I am dealing with at the moment. I ask you to think of us over the next 2 months. I have been in a LOT of pain and it is making me hard to live with. If we get together be patient with me. It takes me twice as long to walk places as it used to. If I am snappy I don't mean to be. It is only me dealing with the pain that I am in. I am trying to keep a sunny disposition, but that doesn't always work!

Wal-Mart Not So Evil After All

Think that it is awesome that Wal-Mart stepped up sooner than the American government!!! Way to go!!!

This was taken from Wal-MartFacts.com.

"Our heartfelt thoughts go out to the many individuals and families affected by Hurricane Katrina. I felt it important to share a few thoughts on what we can do as individuals, and as businesses, during this time.

First, in the appropriate way for you, let's make sure we offer our thoughts and prayers to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. This is a terrible situation which has impacted the lives of many, including our own associates, customers and friends. We can only hope that the situation is resolved soon.

Support for those affected communities is so important right now. We feel a responsibility to make sure we take care of our customers and associates. One of the most important things we can do right now is support the emergency relief efforts taking place. They are in need of financial contributions. We have contributed $1 million in cash to the Salvation Army to help with activities such as providing 400,000 meals per day and portable showers, and another $1 million in cash to the American Red Cross to run their shelters and provide relief. Additionally, $15 million from Wal-Mart has been committed for other relief efforts. We are also donating truckloads of supplies such as water and ice to the emergency services in these areas.

To make it convenient for people to donate to this effort, we are accepting donations for these relief efforts at all 3,800 Wal-Mart and SAM'S CLUB locations. You may also go to any of our web sites, which link directly to the Salvation Army and the Red Cross for donation support.

As a company, we are also focused on making sure our associates are safe and have the necessities they need like food, shelter and clothing. We have activated our Associate Disaster Relief Fund to assist in these efforts. There is also a special hotline that we have set up so our associates can check in with us and tell us what they need. We are also making exceptions to our pay policies for this disaster that will be based on facility and impact.

This is a unique situation which calls for unique solutions. Today more than ever, let's not let our friends down. Please do what you can to help."


- Lee Scott

A Little Thursday FUN!!!

C...Carbon
You scored 15 Mass, 34 Electronegativity, 46 Metal, and 0 Radioactivity!

Nobody understands you... no, not even organic chemists. The social individualist. You like your attention... but not TOO MUCH attention. You are able to form incredibly close relationships with many individuals, but you don't really get along with preexisting groups. You value equality in relationships, and don't deal well with overly submissive or demanding people. Well, whatever... thanks for making life possible... oh, and cut the global warming out.






My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:








You scored higher than 2% on Mass







You scored higher than 58% on Electroneg







You scored higher than 30% on Metal







You scored higher than 0% on Radioactivity

Link: The Which Chemical Element Am I Test written by effataigus on Ok Cupid

D-day

Today is D-day!!!! Doctor day!!! I am very excited at the fact that in a little over 7 hours I will be in the Dr's office. I know that sounds crazy just happy to be in a Dr's office! All the guys at work have been on my butt about being an old lady. Especially since I am looking forward to a Dr's appt. I will be back later this afternoon to tell you all about it!!!! Think happy thoughts at 2:30 this afternoon. Cross your fingers and toes for me!!!

Where did this week go?

I have been crazy busy this week. Each day at work I think "Oh I will have 10 minutes to type something up." End of the day, where did the time go? I get home eat my sugar-free Jell-O and start supper. Let me tell you this dieting thing takes up a crazy amount of time. In the time it takes to measure all of the ingredients, cook it, clean up, do the dishes and get tomorrow's lunches ready two warring factions could fight the war and negotiate a peace treaty. I honestly spend 3 hours a day now in the kitchen. The time has paid off 7lbs down. Too many more to go. But that is a start. I can already tell that my clothes are fitting better. Enough about that!

A week from yesterday I go see Dr. K. I am more than excited about this. I am starting to feel like a kid in anticipation of going to the first day of school. I will be bouncing around on the 1st and ppl will think, wow she is as giddy as a school girl. I think that I have cried all the tears and am ready to move on. Although there are momentary collapses, they are less frequent. Josh has learned that there is nothing that he can do but hold me and love me. Which he is really getting good at. I have tried staying off the drugs. I know it is crazy sounding. But I have learned to tolerate the day to day pain. So I only take them when the pain is more than I can take. I can hobble around. I don't need to screw up my liver by taking all of those painkillers. I am saving that for the alcohol!! ;)

We are off to Mitch-ah-palooza this weekend in South Wayne. We are hoping for minimal rain and nice weather. The forecast is highs on 80 and 62 at night. That will be really nice sleeping weather. We have all of our camping stuff in the spare. I hope Josh's car has enough room for it all!!! Have a great weekend!!!!

There Are No Words

These are pictures from last night of Stoughton. I have nothing to say as I am in awe of nature. So please see for yourself

Redneck Journal Entry 156, Tree Trimmin'

Ok Folks here we are. This past Sunday we went to my parents for the day. As usual we had a great time. Josh loves being at the farm. He grew up a city boy and never got to experience the country. He lived in a little unincorporated town once. He considered that the country. He has never experienced what it is like to spend day after day in the fresh air, the smell of hay and cow manure. So any time he spends there is cherished. It was great when we lived closer because we could frequently visit. But now, the times are fewer as we live about an hour away.

Josh, Jackson and I headed out with the arsenal in tow. Josh always brings his paintball gun and .22 pistol along for the ride. So during the day my mother says that they have a tree near the creek (pronounced crick) that has a gypsy moth nest in it. They cannot reach it to cut it down as the branch is over the water. So Josh suggests that they shoot it down with the shot gun. He and Danny successfully trim the tree and place the branch in the burner barrel. Fun Over.

Well, shortly after they went to remove the branch, I look up at my parents black walnut tree and there is a branch hanging down. This tree is old and creaks in the wind. Many times during storms all the vehicles are parked away from the tree as it is known to drop a few branches. So I ask my mom how long has that branch been like that? She doesn't remember seeing it like that before. So she is concerned about it falling on her new grill and her flower pots.

Jerry and Andy get home and he is filled in on the day's tree trimmin' adventure. Other stunts including Danny's friend Seth car hanging off the sunroof of Danny's car while Danny is driving. Mom points out the branch. We eat dinner and Josh and I get ready to leave. We sit outside for a few minutes. Mom expresses her concern over the branch. It comes up that they are going to have to shoot the branch down. So Jerry order's Danny to go inside and get his deer hunting rifle and some rounds.

We all stand behind Jerry as he aims for the branch. He shoots a couple times nothing really happens. All the while he has this shit eatin'' grin on his face. I wish I wouldn't have gotten a picture of it. He looked like a little kid who just got a toy. We are all laughing at how redneck we are and he keeps shooting. The angle isn't going to work so he goes to the other side of the house. He hits the branch once. He aims again and ends up shooting the branch above it so now there are two branches hanging down. He decides to give Danny and Josh an shot at it. They now both have rifles. One shot fires and and the branch sways. Two shots later the bottom branch is on the ground. Another shot and the top branch falls. Success!! The tree is now trimmed and Ma's new grill is saved. All is well on the farm again! I new no one would believe this without documentation. So here is the proof:

The Branch left behind

The Kill

The Great Green Hunters

Patiently waiting

I am patiently waiting for pictures from Danny. They are pictures of the weekend that you will help the story. The story is funny without them, but hilarious with them!!!

Other than that nothing really new. I am counting the days until the Dr visit!!! 16 and counting........... It will not come soon enough!

Rain Rain Come and Stay

I was happy to see the rain fall on my drive to work this morning. Our grass has bounced back and isn't all hard and prickly to walk on. That is a nice change considering what our lawn looked like a month ago. Also, it is a relief to not have to water my flowers today. At the end of the season I bought 2-six packs of pansies (I think that is what they are) and put them in the shade in front of the garage. The pot on the right got morning and VERY early afternoon sun. They looked beautiful, healthy green, they flowered. The pot on the left looked worse to begin with. The flowers got morning AND afternoon sun. Not all afternoon, but definitely more than the others. They have really started to spread out and flower now. So I am happy. I brought them back from the edge of death. Which gives me a sense of accomplishment. I didn't kill them off. I think this time last summer my flowers had already dried up and died. I just didn't have the patience to water them every day.

So my hip has been pretty much in pain constantly. I have just learned to take the drugs and shut up about it. Although Monday was a pretty black day for me. I was in so much pain and the Aleve wouldn't take it away. As much as I wanted it too. The week has gotten better.

Josh and I have decided to try an e-diet. A lady at work is on one and really likes it. I don't know if she has lost much weight because she is always eating out. But we are trying it. She is printing me off menus to let us see if we like it. If so we will go from there. That way the only $$ we are out is the food money. Let's see if I can get Josh to eat things like hummus and tuna, not together. I am not going to talk about it until I am ready so please don't ask!! This is something that was VERY hard for me to come to terms with. I am just happy that Josh is being supportive and helping me through this. It is not that I don't think that I won't get support from you, it is just that I am not sure about this. I am not sure if I can do it and I don't want to let anyone down besides myself. I hope that makes sense. Maybe after trying it for a few weeks we can talk! Until then shhhhh..........

Well I should probably get to work!! I have a busy day ahead of me!!!!

Oh Good to See you Again

I feel like I am always apologizing for not writing. It has been a very tough week. I have been in a LOT of pain. I have been living on painkillers. I have only taken one Vicodin and that was Tuesday night and I was snowed the first half of Wednesday. I pretty much walked around in a daze until I ate at 11:30. I cannot do that to myself unless it is really worth it. And I had swept, mopped and vacuumed that night so I was in really rough shape. When Josh got home I made him hold me and I cried into his shoulder. A good cry being held by the one that you love can make everything all better. At least that it would seem that way.

There is only so much pain that someone can suffer without losing it. I have been on the edge all week. All I have to say is poor Josh. I am cranky more than I am happy. Sometimes I think that I should just go straight to bed when I go home. But then I know that Josh would starve or gain 20 pounds from going out to eat all the time because I wasn't cooking.

On a different note. I went and saw baby Olivia this weekend. She is adorable. When I get my camera back from my mom I will post pictures of her on here (with her mother's permission of course). She is adorable!!! She had beautiful big blue eyes!! She is darling. I always feel uncomfortable when I hold a baby for the first time. It takes me a little while to figure out what they like, what soothes them, how to get them to stop crying. All of that stuff. So at the beginning of the day I want to give the baby back. But by the end I am ready to bounce and sway and play. Still not ready for my own because I was glad to hand her back when I left. I know that motherhood is beautiful and rewarding. I am just to ready for my life to change that much.

Finally, we took Ben to the airport on Sunday so he could fly back to Ft. Drumm. It was sad to see him go. We found out on Sunday that he is leaving for Iraq sometime next week. I haven't agreed with this war since the beginning. I never understood why "W" thought that this was necessary. I just think that he wanted to finish what his daddy had started. Which is the absolute worst excuse ever. Reports have shown there weren't any WMD's, our excuse to be there. I see absolutely no justification for the US to be there. NONE! How can George Bush sleep at night knowing he has killed so many innocent people. Not only Iraqis, but US soldiers and civilians. I guess it hits closer to home when a family member goes. Josh's family whole-heartedly supports this. How can they? Josh argues that they are "pro-soldier" not pro-war. I guess that I don't see it that way. Something that the father of one of the soldiers killed said really rings true.

"Two weeks ago, Augie had called home from Iraq after spending 26 days in the field. They had not heard from him for five weeks, and their son's voice seemed to reflect a change in his convictions about the war.

"When he first arrived in Iraq in March, he was full of optimism about what his good intentions could accomplish," Paul said.

But Augie's enthusiasm eroded over time, and his father said he will never forget what his son told him.

"The closer we are to departure, the less 'worth it' this has become," Augie said.
In a way, Paul was heartened by his son's words.

"When you first get there, you think everything's hunky-dory," he said. "But after four operations, the insurgents were still there. He didn't think they were having any effect. I heard him and thought, 'Well, the bloom is off the rose.' I was opposed to this war before it even started, and my son is a sharp kid."

He caught himself.

"Was," he said, as he started to sob. "My son was a sharp kid. ""

Movin' on Up

I received a phone call today. By the way having a last name like honer makes in hard to type phone. It always comes out phoner. The call I got was from the nurse at Dr. B's office. She said that she noticed a cancellation in the Dr. K's schedule for the 1st of September. Which if you remember is almost 2 weeks sooner than my original appointment. She also told me that she will keep an eye open for any further cancellations. I am so excited. Too excited for words!!!!!!

The Diagnosis

Sorry I didn't post this as soon as I heard from the Dr yesterday. After speaking with him I didn't feel like doing much of anything.

The diagnosis is that I have a labral tear you can find some really good information here and here. I also have early arthritis in my hip. My Dr referred me to one of his colleagues that specializes in joints and arthriscopy. They together reviewed my MRI and X-rays. They both agree on the diagnosis. My Dr didn't know what the 2nd Dr's plan of action was. He didn't know if he would perform surgery or send me through rehab. So I called to make an appointment. The earliest I can get in September 13th. A whole month and a half away. What am I supposed to do for the next month and a half.

I e-mailed my Dr. to see if there was anything that could be done to get me in earlier. And to ask about pain management. I told him I have been taking leftover pain medication to get me through the nights and living on Aleve during the day. He replied saying that he doesn't want to snow me with stronger pain killers. That I should take that up with Dr Keene. He also forwarded my e-mail onto him to see if there was anything that could be done about getting me in earlier. So keep your fingers crossed. Think happy thoughts!!!!

The Waiting Game

I am waiting somewhat patiently to hear about my MRI results. I am just hoping that the pain goes away. That is all that I want.


Oh by the way, the procedure wasn't as painful as the Dr made it out to be. DAMN HIM!!!!

Redneck Parade

These are pictures of the parade in a little town called Coleman. As you can see people came out to watch construction equipment.
Notice the hand-painted sign on the back of the trailer.
This sign reminded me that I wasn't in Madison anymore.
If you cannot read it it says:

"It's easy to be pro-"choice" when your not the one being killed."

Dr's Appt

I am sorry that I didn't post this yesterday. After my appointment I was sore, crabby and emotional. I didn't think that I wanted to post in that condition for who knows what will come out of my mouth. Maybe now I can be more composed.

Firstly, the doctor agreed with the diagnosis of congenital hip dysplasia. In fact this problem is in both of my hips. This is something that I was born with and if caught early enough it can be corrected. I don't know how the screening for this 26 years ago. Who knows maybe this is an condition that was recently discovered. What he thinks is happening is there may be a tear in the cartilage that lines the hip socket or a problem with the tendon on the outside of the hip. To diagnose if there is a tear in the cartilage I have to undergo an MRI. I have had an MRI before no sweat. What is extra special fun about this MRI is that they have to inject dye into the hip joint through a VERY LARGE, VERY LONG needle. After they harpoon me I have to walk around for 30-45 minutes to get the dye moving through the joint to stain all of the cartilage in the hip. This really sounds like fun doesn't it. Any volunteers to do this instead of me? I would really appreciate someone else feeling this pain for me......

So after I have this fun MRI the Dr will decide what to do with me. If there is a tear in the cartilage I will have to have arthriscopic surgery to "fix" the tear. We haven't gotten into that. I am sure that will be explained further if that is the case. If there isn't a tear I will have to undergo PT to try and stop the pain. Which I am skeptical about because I have been in so much pain already I just can't see how causing me more pain will help me feel better, we shall see. Now I know you are thinking to yourself, "what was so hard about that?" Well there is more.

The doctor told me that he wants me to see a dietician about my weight. This strikes a cord on so many levels straight to my heart. Anyone who has ever had to lose some weight knows this. No one likes to be called fat. I am not saying that I am not, it just stings. I understand all the reasons for losing weight, all of the risk factors. But what people who tell people to lose weight don't understand is that there is so much more to it for the "overweight" person. It isn't like they said oh I just want to be fat. A lot of times you have to get to the root of it. I just felt judged. He had judged me in less than 5 minutes. That is mainly why I felt so hurt and emotional. I have not decided yet if I will see the dietician at $125/hour. I will have to think about it and decide.... It isn't that I won't spend the money. It is that I haven't decided that I am ready. I will be ready soon. As anyone who has lost weight before knows it takes hard work and determination. I have to make sure I have the determination to see it through rather than try and fail and feel worse about myself than I already do......

I am working on it....

I am working on my post about the Dr's Appt yesterday. I do have work to do today so check back this afternoon. See this article about wasting time at work.

http://www.themilwaukeechannel.com/money/4708059/detail.html

Maybe I can finish it on lunch!

Ode to the Pup!

Since I have nothing fun to talk about lately I thought that I would show you some pictures of the king of the castle......

Some times I swear he is part cat. He loves being perched on top of the couch.

He just got woken up from his nap.

My mother wonders if he ever just stretches out. Here is the evidence:

Aren't I adoreable. I am the cutest, most well behaved dog ever?

He is such a diva always posing for the camera.

I will be writing a post tomorrow after my Dr's appointment to let you know what he has to say. Think happy thoughts at 10am.

Skipping Work

Yesterday I took a day off from work to spend the day with my friend Heidi and the cutest little boy ever!!!! I promised Heidi long ago when she was pregnant that I would spend a day with her before she went back to work. I don't think that men understand that as well. Because neither Mitch nor Josh understood why I was taking a day off and coming down there. Mitch even said something to the effect of "I don't waste my days off".

We bummed around Milwaukee. I had to watch Colin while Heidi went to see her Dr. He ate and pooped for me. What a good little boy huh? It was fun to do that for a day but I am no where near ready to have a baby all the time.

I don't know what it was about Heidi and I we went out to eat twice, once Wednesday night and yesterday we had the worst service EVER!!! Wednesday we ate at Applebee's. It was probably 15-20 minutes before we got a waiter and she was just awful. We had to wait for drinks. My burger was bad. Gave us our bill and forgot about us.

The worst was yesterday! We went to Olive Garden for lunch. We were seated again 10-15 minutes before our waitress came. We both knew what we wanted so we ordered right away. She told her we wanted salad and she explained to us that the salad came all in one bowl like we have never been to OG before. She gave Heidi coke instead of Cherry coke. All 3 times she asked for refills. Our meal came and we didn't see her again. We asked another server to get the woman for us and she went back to the wrong table. Then we had to have her come back again. We needed refills and wanted more breadsticks. That took forever. She gave us the bill. She disappeared. We paid, she ran away, it took almost 10 minutes for her to come back and we were really ready to go by that time. Needless to say she didn't get a tip. I know harass me I don't care. But a tip is something that you have to earn and not just expect. When we have a great server I tip 15 sometimes 20% but I am really harsh when the service is awful because tips are the majority of your pay. I was a waitress for a summer. I understand how it works.

Other than that we had a great time together!! I miss them so much. It isn't like we ever lived that close to them but now that we are closer they seem farther away. I am sure that the baby had a little bit to do with that....

And miles to go until I sleep...zzzzzzzzz

It feels as though I haven't slept decently for a week or two. I am awakened by one of many things, birds, the need to pee, being hot or in pain. I don't know how new parents do this. I feel like a walking zombie. I just want to lay my head down on my desk and sleep.

I am off to Milwaukee tonight to spend tomorrow with Heidi and Colin. I am not quite sure what we have planned. All that I know is that I want to be able to sleep in past 6:30. That is my only wish.

Sorry I don't have much to say!!!

My Neck.....It isn't Red Is it?

Here is a list of the top fifteen events at the Ruskosky/Gray Fourth of July Celebration. I couldn't narrow it down to 10, there were too many

15. The competition included who could light off the most firecrackers/bottle rockets at the same time.

14. Another family game was who could kick start the 4 wheeler with the fewest attempts. The competition was riveting.

13. Off Flame throwers.

12. The boys demonstrating for Kelly that farts really do start on fire. And the boys having to continue performing the act because Matt and Brad kept missing it.

11. Sitting around the shop comparing farmer's tans......I lost!

10. Offering Betsy $150 to stick 2 bottle rockets up her nose and lighting them off. I think that she would have seriously considered it.

9. Hearing that Kelly's Uncle Tim confused the little black boy's fishing pole with something else. He even commented on the size of it. Note:Our little black boy is a little different than the one pictured.

8. Jerry scaring the shit out of Danny by throwing a firecracker at him.

7. Lighting smoke bombs making the little black boy look like he is peeing or farting. They also replaced his fishing pole with a bottle rocket.

6. Andy and Danny flying through the bush in the front yard while wrestling. Andy was caught administering an illegal choke hold. They weren't even drinking.

5. "Hey Betsy, did you hear Michael Jackson is in the hospital again?" "No Why?" "He got ahold of an eight year old wiener....." "I don't get it!!!"

4. The main argument of the evening was what year a series of tractors came out and how much horsepower one of them had.

3. Matt's drunkass falling over backwards in the lawnchair after telling Betsy not to do it. He got yelled at because he broke a new chair.

2. Hearing that Grandpa Gene said "Once you go black, you'll never go back."

1. Learning that no matter how awful it is to be labeled a redneck being labeled a hillbilly is even worse. Jerry's cousin Jim is a testament to that.

Drunken Fireworks Show

Happy Fourth of July to all of you!!! Yesterday was the annual Ruskosky/Gray 4th of July celebration. As you can imagine when the 10 of us get together you know it will be a crazy time.

First of all, my brother Matt was in town. That is really nice because he is out of town until Octoberish. I haven't seen him in over a month so it was nice to see him. It is crazy how you miss someone more when they are thousands of miles away even though you may not have seen them in that time anyway. Needless to say it was really nice having him around!

We had a wonderful meal....Thanks Mom! Everything was delicious as usual!!! Jerry deep fried a turkey, it was moist and delicious! Kelly made an AWESOME dessert!! It was a mud slide....Not the alcoholic kind, one with pudding and cool whip...yum!!!!! Of course I didn't think that my pasta salad was half bad either.

The day wouldn't have been complete without alcohol, motor vehicles and of course fireworks!!! My brother Andy is the proud owner of a new 4 wheeler. It is pretty nice....you have to kick start it ...and the seat is tore up. It runs and that is all that matters. Andy on that is reminiscent of when he first bought his dirt bike because he does funny things like riding it to the shed across the yard rather than walking over there. He tears up and down the road like an animal with this shit eating grin on his face....if you have seen it, you know what I am talking about!! Of course all the guys had to take turns riding it up and down the road. I think Matt was the funniest though because he rode it around like he was a little kid!

It was a good thing that everyone was prepared with LOUD fireworks to keep them busy in the afternoon or who knows what would have happened.... The afternoon was filled with bottle rockets and firecrackers. Needless to say I am probably more hard of hearing today than I was yesterday. It was a contest to see who could light off as many as possible at the same time. My stepdad even participated by putting some firecrackers under popcans to see how high it would fly into the air!!! Everyone is younger on days like today. Everytime Betsy lit a bottle rocket she would run away and giggle after it went off.

We all had our fair share to drink....Some more than their share...Josh;) I am surprised he made it home without me having to pull over. Well, we stopped once so he could pee... Matt introduced us to Absolute Peach and Cranberry juice. It is good stuff. Betsy, Kelly and I had those. Mom had her wine coolers and the rest of the guys the beer. Danny kept begging Josh for beer....damn kids!!! Matt I think ended up the most inebriated. As he fell over backwards and broke a lawn chair and wrestled both boys like a teenager. Andy and Danny fell through mom's bush (that she has kept watered through our dry spell) causing yelling to ensue. Andy trying to choke Danny and all that fun stuff.

The best part of the night had to have been the fireworks show put on by Josh and Danny. Josh maintained all of the largre fireworks and Danny entertained us with fountains, smoke bombs and strobe flashers. Josh did a wonderful job and kept us entertained for about an house. A wonderful time was had by all....

If you don't have anything nice to say.......

I am sorry I haven't been trying to ignore you. This past weekend was VERY busy and it is Thursday and I am still beat. It could also be the lack of sleep that I have been experiencing lately. I have been living on pain killers too. I am glad that I have a small stash of the good stuff otherwise I probably wouldn't have been able to sleep earlier this week. I think that the 3rd tooth in my bridge is going bad. Last week I started to develop an insanely painful sensitivity to hot and cold. Good thing that I was headed to the dentist today anyway.

My hip has started to become more painful and annoying. Yesterday it was uncomfortable to press on the brake or gas pedal. I have no ambition to do ANYTHING for fear of the dreaded hip monster. I was pleasantly surprised that I did not have any pain last Saturday and the party we went to. Sunday more than made up for it though. I am ready to either be shot in the head or cut me off at the waist!!! I know I am being over dramatic!!! You just cannot help the way that you feel!! That is how I have felt this week!!!

I will stop complaining now and get back to work!

Thanks for stopping by!

Blog-iversary

I have had so much on my mind the past week or two I totally missed my blog-iversary!!!!! It was last Tuesday the 21st. I cannot believe what a different place I am in since last year. It was such a change to go from living for a wedding, to finding something to live for. Finding something that can occupy your mind so that you aren't going crazy!!!!

So lift your glass to a new year and new things to talk about!!!

Scared

I have always thought of myself as a strong person. That all seems to change everytime I have a health problem. Especially related to my joints. When I had my first knee surgery I cried because of never being able to basketball again. I cried before surgery because I was scared shitless. I cried shortly after I was told that I would have to have surgery again. Lump in my breast same deal. My health scares me. When there is something wrong with me I lose it.

Recently I have been having a LOT of problems with my right hip. I am sure that the irritation has been escalated due to my weight gain since high school. But that isn't my concern at the moment. My concern is how can I get motivated when I cannot walk comfortably. My hip has been cracking and popping. When that happens I stop. I stop because of the pain screaming through my body. It screams from my hip down to my knee. Sometimes even through to the ankle. Oh I don't have to be stand for this to happen. I can be readjusting myself in bed or on the couch. Therefore there is no safe place that I can be. The pain can come with a blink of an eye.

So when I went to the Dr for my usual woman appt I told the Dr. of my pain. He could not see anything wrong with my x-ray so he sent it to a radiologist. The radiologist said that he could see the early stages of arthritis setting in. Also, that I had a condition called congenital hip dysplasia. This is more common in young children. Everything that I have read does say that if you have a mild case it may be difficult to diagnose. If you have a less severe case you can live with it for years and not know until you reach adulthood. On top of all that I have a flat spot in the ball at the femur head. So what is supposed to be a nice ball joint is kind of jagged sometimes. This does explain the pop/pain phenomenon that I have experienced. My doctor didn't have a lot to offer in the way of suggestions to fix this. He just said that he hopes that it isn't necessary to replace the hip due to my age.

I am off the the Sports Medicine clinic again. I am scared. I don't know what to expect. I don't know how to deal with it other than breaking down into tears.

Stupid Dogs

"Dogs chase a ball and bring it back to you. How dumb is that?"
-Paraphrased from my Aunt Mary Lou.

My question for her is.... "If it keeps him busy with little energy on your part, what is the problem?"

Jackson played Go Fetch all afternoon into the evening yesterday. He was occupied, having fun and he ran a lot. Needless to say he passed out in the car almost as soon as I pulled out of the driveway. He slept the whole way home. Only stirring to change positions. He walked into the house and plopped down on the couch. He got up to go potty, went back to the couch. I don't think he moved all night. He was laying exactly where I left him when I got up this morning. He was still hard to stir to get up to go potty this morning. The little thing is wore out. Atleast he had fun doing it.

Grocery Shopping

Mondays are usually my day to go to the grocery store. Let me say that I am infinitely happier with my options in Sun Prairie than I ever was in Spring Green. Today I was a little later than usual and had to deal with the going home rush. After my trip through the store I came to the following conclusion. My conclusion is that there are five types of grocery shoppers.

1. The Rushed shopper-This is a person who has 30 minutes of shopping to cram into 10. This is the person who cannot wait at the meat counter for you to make the snap decision ham or turkey. She runs to the milk case and as you are pulling your gallons of milk out of the cooler practically knocks you out of the way. If you walk to slowly down the aisle you her an exasperated "huh" out of her mouth. And God help you if you happen to be pushing your cart down the wrong side of the aisle. You will be run over. They are an 18 wheeler and you are the poor deer caught in the headlights.

2. The Organized/Purposeful shopper- This person has a list most often in order of the store so they know exactly what aisle they need to go down thus reducing impulse items. This person has the meals planned out days in advanced so she can have the well balanced and coordinated meal.
All of her coupons are neatly clipped and found with her shopping list. She is patient as she has planned her time accordingly knowing how busy the store will be. Their shopping is structured and they are in and out as quickly as possible......Without running people over with their cart.

3. The Distracted Shopper- This poor person usually has a child in their cart and maybe one more in tow. The cart is full and they realized that they forgot the green pepper for the special salad she was making so they haul the cart and the kids across the store. When the whole reason that she forgot the pepper in the first place is the kid in the cart was pulling things off the produce shelves onto the floor.

4. The Hungry/Impulsive Shopper- This person walks through the store throwing everything that looks good into their cart. By the time they get to the end of the store there is no room for the milk in the cart. This poor schmuck usually spends way more than they bargained for. This person is most often a man. Buying pieces of a meal not knowing how it all goes together. I sometimes feel like this shopper.

5. The Dilly-dally shopper. This is the person who reads every label. They often leave their cart in the middle of an aisle as they go off to find something. They are constantly pushing their cart down the wrong side of the aisle. They do not pay attention to where they are going. They stand in the frozen cooler with the door open while they read every label while their cart is in THE MIDDLE OF THE AISLE!!!!!

Let me know what kind of shopper you are.

Our New Arrival

You can see a picture of the soon to be newest arrival in our home here.

Isn't that the most beautiful thing that you have ever seen? We, no I am so excited for it's arrival! Josh wasn't really all that excited or convince that we really needed our new addition. But, I used my skills of charm and told him that we did.

Every day this week seems like it is dragging on forever as I anxiously await. Each night I torturously sleep. I wake up aching and feeling stiff. Our old bed never seemed that bad until this week. It knows that we have cheated on it. We are trading it in for a younger, newer, firmer model. I don't know if I can stand one more night of this sleep. Although I have to. Josh keeps kidding me telling me that he is moving into the spare because he doesn't think that our bed is all that bad. We bought our bed 3 years ago from a whole in the wall place. We answered an ad in the paper for a cheap mattress still in plastic. I think that we paid less than $200 for a queen set and frame so you know it wasn't the greatest quality. But hey we were poor and that is all that we could afford.

So I wait and sleep one more tortured night before I can feel heaven on earth because that is what our new mattress feels like....

Go Fug Yourself

Go Fug Yourself

This is my new favorite site! This site is maintained by two women. These women tear apart celebrity fashion disasters. They do this in a very sarcastic manner. I highly suggest that you check this site out for yourself.

Work

I will not write about work! I will not write about work! I will not write about work!!

Reason 1: Do not want to be dooced.
Reason 2: Makes it hurt worse.
Reason 3: I would probably confuse you, a long detailed story, Josh fell asleep halfway through
it.
Reason 4: Confusion is certain as it contains lots of words like Response Ratio, EC50, Z prime.
Reason 5: Even if not so confusing, see reason 1.

Let's just say it was a good day at work until the last, oh, hour or so. Good thing that I am going out for cocktails at 4pm.

Have a good day!!!!

Summer is Here!

Well it is official. Summer has arrived. The weather this week is going to be beautiful!!! The highs will be in the 70's! Which is the perfect temperature range. If I had my choice it would be mid 70s and sunny in Wisconsin all the time. Also there would never be any humidity! It would only rain at night (between midnight and 6am). Along with the change in weather comes a million things to do.

This summer I don't think will be as eventful as last summer. In June alone I only have 1 completely free Saturday and I am sure that something will come up. July we have a wedding to travel to the U.P. for. This is the wedding of one of Josh's cousins so that means that it will be a weekend of fun with the in-laws. I did make sure that we got a room with only one bed as to deter anyone from "glomming" on to us. We (I) really don't want to have his family anywhere near us. I actually should have requested a room at the opposite end of the hotel. We will be camping twice in August, once is a sibling camp out with my sister, her fiancee, my brother and his wife and Josh and I. The second camping trip will be for Mitch-a-pa-looza. That is a gathering of all of our college friends. We camp out at Mitch's parent's house. We have never been before, but we hear that it will be a crazy good time. ....... as long as no one goes streaking!!!

Enjoy the weather!!

American Idol Winner!!!!!!

Well my staying up until 11 and voting sure paid off. Carrie Underwood is the new American Idol. Carrie has been my pick all season. That is my first correct pick since Kelly Clarkson and season one. I wanted Clay to win in season 2. He still has outshined Ruben. I hated season 3, I cannot stand Fantasia!!!!

I will go to bed a happy girl tonight.

WAY TO GO CARRIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Casting the Vote

American Idol got smart this year. After the jammed phone lines of the past 3 seasons they have learned. For this year's last final 2 episodes they opened up multiple phone lines for each contestant. For this evening's finale they even opened up three phone lines for each contestant with voting lasting for almost 4 hours. Even with the multiple lines it is still difficult to impossible to get through. I didn't even bother to try right after the show as I knew that the lines would be impossible to get through.

The second thing that I really appreciate is the change in the answering system. Instead of saying "Thanks for voting for contestant # X" the contestant says "Thanks for voting for me (Bo or Carrie)." That way you are certain that you have called the correct line. I know that once during the season I thought that I had remembered the contestants in the correct order. When indeed I had not. So I ended up voting for the wrong person. It was a really tough decision this season. Both Bo and Carrie are extraordinary singers. I actually think that this season of Idol has been the best season yet. I will forever be a Claymate, but I love this season the best of all!!!!

May the best contestant win!!! I am not telling you who I am voting for. It's a secret!!!!!

Back at the Grindstone

Being back at work sucks!!! I cannot believe how fast our time to FL went!! I am so glad that we went. Josh and I had a blast. We didn't do a damned thing but we had a blast!!! Well, we did go to Sea World and Ron Jon's. Otherwise, Josh went fishing while I slept in. We hung out with my grandparents. That was nice because we don't get to see each other very much. They have so many stories to tell. Josh came home with some fish, one he caught and 3 from their freezer. I will write more later.......

Bon Voyage

I am off to Florida. Tomorrow EARLY morning we head to the Sunshine State. 24 hours from now we will be on the plane en route. We will be gone to Florida for 5 days to visit my grandparents. I cannot wait because I haven't spent any quality time with my Grandparents since I went down 2.5 yrs ago. It is really hard when people that you love live so far away.

So the plan as of now is to hang out with them until Saturday. We are then heading up to Sea World as we all know how much Josh adores animals. I swear that man should have been a vet. We thought that we would want to get away by Saturday. That we should go and do that.

The weather is going to be beautiful while we are there. Sunny and 80's. Not that I am a big fan of the 80's but it will be nice. I will just have to stay hydrated. Saturday may be the only day that I will have issues with heat. The forecast is 81 and partly cloudy. So I should be alright. Josh knows what to about it. He knows how to put up with crabby hot Jessica. She drinks a lot of water and pees every 5 minutes.

I hope that you have a good weekend. See ya Tuesday with a report!!!

Comments

Since I have joined blogger they have made a few changes. One of them being the comment section. Previously you had to be a member to leave comments on a blog. Since then they have changed that. So due to that and an unhappiness with the performance of Haloscan I removed the Haloscan comment feature from my blog. Yes I did lose all the previous comments but, I think I will be happier with the blogger comments than haloscan!!

Another Year Older

Today is the day of my birth. 26 years ago today my mother gave me the miracle of life. Having just helped a friend through labor I have a new found respect for my mother. If course I will never fully understand until I go through it myself.

We went to the Nitty Gritty for supper tonight. Anyone around Madison knows that is the birthday bar. When you go in on your birthday you get a free mug and a free beer or soda all night. So we ate our gritty burgers and drank our beers. Now we are home to celebrate by spending the night together. That is the best gift that Josh could ever give me. I am so happy that he a part of my life. I am forever thankful!!

As my co-worker so genuinely pointed out I am now closer to 30 than 20. Some days I cannot imagine that. I know age is just a number, but is it? I sometimes feel as old as the trees and wonder "Wow, I already feel old, how can I keep getting older?" and "I am so impatient about my life how can I stand the suspense of the next 50 years?" Sometimes I just wish I was at the end to know how it all went. Life is like a good book. You cannot wait to see what is on the next page, but you have to read the page you are on to understand further. I know when I am reading a good book I cannot put it down. I have to get through it because the suspense is killing me. I just have to remind myself one page at a time. The story will unfold before my eyes. Patience is not one of my strong points. I guess I will have to work on that......

Our Godson

Colin Mitchell
Born 12:10 am
7 lbs 12.2 oz, 20 inches long

Our Friends Mitch and Heidi had their baby this weekend. Isn't he gorgeous? I am so happy for them. They asked us to be a set of his godparents. We couldn't be happier to forever be a part of his life!!!

The Day the World went 55

As many know, the beltline can be a crazy place to drive. This traffic nightmare has been a focus of the law enforcement community this year. There have been 2 deadly accidents in the last year involving semi trucks, plus numerous others that happen daily. So the law enforcement decided to crack down. They heavily patrolled the Beltine from 8am-2pm on Wednesday. They had 17 officers on that stretch of road. According to news reports more than 300 cars were pulled over.

I lucked out because the bulk of the patrolling was during hours in which I do not drive the beltline. Even though the Beltline wasn't being patrolled when I drove home the effects were still felt. I admit, I am one of the speeders on the beltline. Although I fall under that category I am NOT one of the people who speeds, doesn't use their signal, or cuts people off. I admit to tailgating, but that mostly occurs when the flow of traffic is 65 or 70 mph and there is someone driving 50 in the left hand lane. For the most part, I leave a nice cushion between myself and the car in front of me. If the flow of traffic isn't 65 or 70 mph I don't try to speed around everyone and get ahead of everyone. One of my favorite things is to watch someone who comes up behind me fast, realizes that traffic isn't going fast enough for them, switches lanes several times trying to get around the line of traffic that I am in. Then in the end they either end up right where they started, behind me, or further behind me.

So anyway, when I got on the beltine yesterday I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know if the patrol cars had so much fun they decided to stay out longer or if they had enough. I did not see any cops the whole way home. Even without the police presence traffic didn't drive much over 60 mph. Most of the time traffic flow was 55 mph. People, for the most part, didn't tailgate, used their blinkers and drove like civil human beings. Granted I do NOT like driving 55 the ride was pleasurable. I didn't have to worry about some jackass riding my tail or driving erratically endangering myself and everyone around them. I don' t think that the ride took any longer than it normally would either. It was just odd, it felt like an episode of The Twilight Zone, this was the same stretch of highway but people were oddly relaxed.

Relationships

I have been sitting on this post for a while now. This has been something weighing on my mind quiet heavily. Because relationships/friendships are vital to life. You need to have a good support system. This post is about the relationships and friendships that I have had throughout life. It does not completely include my views on bonds between family members because blood runs thicker than water. You HAVE to maintain your familial relationships no matter what!!

All through my life I have been a passive participant in relationships. By this I mean that I have been the listener, the supporter and the caring person. In relationships I go with the flow. I don't like to make decisions because I do not want to make a decision that will upset the other person. I go to great lengths to make the other person happy even when I am miserable. I put on the happy face even when I am crying inside. I probably don't hide the misery very well but I do. It seems as though all my relationships have been with people with more dominant personalities than me. I never minded it.

Then I had to become a dominant personality. Josh is the same go with the flow don't upset anyone type of person. As you may guess this does not work in a marriage and getting through day to day life. Someone has to make decisions and someone has to be aggressive. The problem is Josh is often so much of a laid back personality that he forgets about himself. He forgets about his needs and wants thinking that they don't matter. I look at that and think that is not healthy. I encourage to tell me of his needs and wants because if he doesn't no one will. My relationship with Josh has changed that for me. We had to learn that we will bump heads and we will fight but in the end that only makes our relationship stronger. We know that we love each other we just have to figure out how to incorporate each other's needs into our own.

In examining my relationship with Josh, I have determined that I am going to renew my views on my relationships. In the past many relationships have strained and faded away due to fights and stupidity. Because of our differences we would just butt heads and it is over. Life is too short. You have to realize that fights will happen but you have to talk it over, forgive, forget and move on. So that is my plan. Everyone has a clean slate. Everyone has a second chance, or third as it may be.

Wal-Mart Discount

Ahhhh I love my Wal-Mart discount. It makes me feel privileged. Low prices HA! I get them even LOWER!!! Because my husband is now a Wal-Clone who gives up his real life for Wal-Mart, I can get things cheaper!! I know it is only 10% but it is better than nothing. Last night I went to buy the Wahl Hot Air Styler Plus. It just makes my day to have the register ring up $19.77, slide my card through and have it read $17.80. That $2 adds up people. I wish that Wal-Mart owned everything in the world and we could get it cheaper......

Examples: Wal-Burger, Wal-Hair, Wal-Gas, Wal-Cars, Wal-Phone, Wal-Electric.....When does it stop? WHEN DOES IT STOP??????

It feels like Wednesday

Why oh why am I wishing my life away? The calendar says it's Tuesday but it feels like Wednesday!!!

Josh seems to having a good time on his pilgrimage. He is staying with a guy from Reno and a guy from Alabama. He toured "The Home Office" yesterday and had lunch at the cafe there. He has homework that he has to work on each night. This week he is learning about operation of a Photo/Connect Center and next week he learns technical/maintenance of the machines. Then the day before he leaves he gets his Wal-Implant (That is what my co-worker says) so that he becomes the Wal-Clone perfect employee.

I was informed that my future brother-in-law got a job in Clintonville. I am happy that he got the job, because that is what he wanted. I just don't want him taking my sister away. She will be 2-3 hours away from all of her family. I guess that I always hoped that we would all live within an hour of each other and our parents and be able to get together on the weekends. I guess that I was just fooling myself. I always wanted my children to be near their grandma and grandpa, and I wanted them to hang out with their cousins. I had my cousin Chelsea that I played with almost every weekend. I loved that!! I wanted the same for them.

I am not sure where our lives will head. Where Wal-Mart will take us next. I guess I have to get used to the idea of being away from my family........ Damn It!!!

What Is The Name of This Game?

I WIN!!!!!!!!! I beat Josh!!! MY bracket beat his. Not only did I beat Josh I win 3rd place in my work bracket!!!!! That is a 10x return on my $3.00 investment!!!!!!!

Congratulations to North Carolina!!!!! Congrats to ME!!!!!!!!!!!

I am tired Good night!!!

Damn Tired

I hate daylight savings time. The springing forward is always the worst. Instead of getting up at 5:30am as usual it felt like 4:30am. It is hard enough to get up at 5:30 as it is. Now it is that much harder. I know I will adjust, but not soon enough.

What really didn't help was the fact that I scared shitless to fall asleep last night. Jackson didn't want to go to sleep. He knew that someone was missing. So he kept barking at the door. I would tell him to get into bed. He would sit on the bed until I started to relax, then he would get up again and whine at the door. This my trusty guard dog. The one who barks at a piece of dust falling to the floor. I was uneasy, I don't like being alone. I was even more of a wreck because our bedroom door doesn't lock.

WHAT IF SOMEONE BREAKS IN????

I tossed and turned over that thought for a while. I don't want to sleep with Josh's 22 pistol under the bed. I would probably end up shooting myself in the foot in an emergency situation. I then got up and grabbed the phone. I then wondered if I should get the other handset too. You know the robber could get on the phone and screw up my dialing and I would never get 911. Then I realized that the keytones were turned on. So I spent 5 minutes figuring out how to turn them off. I then wondered what I would do since the bedroom door didn't lock. I figured that I would run into our bathroom and lock the door. I am still undecided if I will be taking Jackson into the bathroom with me or leave him to the robbers. Then Randy came home and I fell asleep because I figured that if he heard a lot of noise he would call 911 for me.

I hope that I sleep better tonight!!!

Only The Lonely

Well, Josh has made is pilgrimage to Mecca. I only wish he wasn't going to be gone this long. When I dropped him off at the airport today I said good-bye for 12 LONG days. Aside from a summer in college I have never lived alone. Even during that time Josh and I were dating so it wasn't like I was living alone so we spent almost every night together. Since Josh and I made the commitment to our relationship about 4 years ago this will be the longest I have been without seeing him. During the time that I was between school and work I spent almost every weekend with him. Since we lived together the longest we have been apart is the week that Mom, Danny and I went to Florida.

Josh and I have gone through a rough week preparing for him to go. We have been at each other's throats all week. If it wasn't me getting mad at him for letting the laundry "die" in the dryer, he was mad at me for telling him he couldn't buy parts for his paintball gun. So maybe his trip was timed perfectly, but it is still going to be hard. I am glad that I have my little Jackson to come home to. He has been snuggling with me all day. I am sure that he wonders what is going on. I left today with Josh and came home along. He looked really confused when I returned home alone.

So, off I go to sleep in my Queen size bed all alone. I will enjoy the extra space but, I will miss the safety and comfort I feel with Josh beside me.

So Begins the Change

This morning 2 spring things happened to me. First, the grass in our little yard has started to come up green. It won't be too long before I will be smelling fresh cut grass. Which thank GOD, I don't have to cut. One of the few joys of apt living. The Second, a flock of Robin's decided to land outside my window this morning. This was my first Robin this spring. It is nice to have them back. I am thankful that they are bringing the sunshine with them!!!!!

I also washed the last of winter from my car this morning. I know that it is going to rain this afternoon. My car is by no means spotless. I will have to wash it a few more times to get the rest of the dirt off of the car. Hey, it's a start!!!!!!

Spring has Sprung

Finally!!!!! The temperatures are in the 60's. It was a wonderful feeling to walk out of work yesterday and not be cold. I drove home with my windows down and music loud. Something about spring makes you want to do that! It is a close tie between spring and fall as to which is my favorite season. It is nice to have the world come back to life!! I love watching flowers bloom and grass grow. I love those days when you see the trees starting to bud. Then wondering "WOW! When did all the leaves get on the trees?". I always feel energized in the spring! I love being outside! I want to spend more time in the fresh air.

Welcome Spring! We missed you!!!

I Didn't Want to Do This.....

but now I feel I have no choice. Terri Schiavo. Poor, poor Terri. Growing up as a God Fearing Catholic I was taught that euthanasia was wrong. It took me a long time to understand what it meant. I didn't know what little Asian kids were doing wrong. Honestly! As all kids do when they are young, I soaked that up. You know I never believed it though. I always felt, and still do, that if I were in a persistent vegetative state, let me go. Keep me for a day or two until you can come to terms with what you have to do, then let me go! That is no life! No life at all!!!

I want to know what these parents think that they are saving? What kind of life is Terri living in a hospital bed? She is severely brain-damaged!! She isn't able to comprehend what is going on in day to day life. I think that her parents are just being selfish!! That is all!! If they cared at all they would have let her go years ago!! They wouldn't have prolonged her life. They say that she responds to them. Maybe she is trying to tell them enough already!!!!!

Let's hear your thoughts.

Situation Normal All Fouled Up

Well people we are screwed!!! I think almost everyone in America is screwed. What am I talking about? The NCAA tournament a.k.a. upset city. Who would have ever picked#13 Vermont to beat Syracuse. #14 Bucknell over #3 Kansas, WTF? What about #7 West Virginia beating Wake Forest? And the biggest upset of all NC State over the defending champs UConn. Well as far as the contest between Josh and I, we will see the standings tomorrow. At least the Badgers won today. Since my bracket was already screwed in that area I am happy to see them go on. I guess this proves it is all really a guessing game.

Bracketology

So it is that time of the year again.....March Madness! My one co-worker wants to know why we keep talking about mounting things on the wall, or what we want to support. So I wrote my good friend kmoka yesterday and inquired about the pool this year. She informed me of the same $5 cost and said it had to be in today to account for the play-in game tonight. So I handed my bracket off to Josh as usual last night. He has been doing my bracket for 4 years now. We won 2nd the first year and have done poorly the next 2. I still trust him to fill it out. That is until I read it this morning. Any expert bracketologist knows you have to learn the art of the upset. You have to pick which teams are going to come out of no where and shock the nation. Josh picked one upset. It was a 10 over a 7. I wasn't too sure about this. I decided to hand his bracket into my friend kmoka and go with it. Later this morning I received an e-mail from a co-worker announcing our pool here at work. So I took matters into my own hands. I filled my own out. This is going to determine who the bracketologist is from this point on. I'll keep you posted.

Sunday, Sunday

Where to begin? I cannot believe there is sun!!!! I am way excited about this. It is giving us hope that winter maybe over soon. Second, our old apt in Spring Green got rented. So we don't have to trouble Wal-Mart for another month of rent. Plus when we get the security deposit back that is another $500 that goes in the House fund. We have had a good first couple months of the year here as far as saving goes. I am happy with that. Maybe we will have enough money by the time Josh moves next time to buy a house!! That would be nice. I am starting to get claustrophobic in this apt. Yes we have only been here for 2 months but I am ready to have a place of our own, where we don't have to hear the guy upstairs walking his pet elephant.

Thirdly, we are heading to Florida in May to visit the grandparents. My Grandpa called today. He seemed disappointed that we were only staying for 4 nights. That is all that I have for vacation now. Josh has a week. He can use those 2 extra days somewhere else. Next year we will both have 3 weeks of vacation. Yeah!!! He told us not to rent a car, that we could use theirs when we are down there. It isn't as though we were going to be going too far anyway. We are there to relax and spend time with them.

My great-aunt Ruby passed away this week. She was the only sibling of my maternal grandpa's still with us. Now there is only one great-aunt left. My grandma's sister. That is really sad when you lose a whole generation of your family. It makes you wonder if you learned everything that you could have from them.

That is all for today!!! See you soon!

18 days... I am sorry

Well it has been 18 days since my last post. I know. I am slacking. I just haven't had the urge to write. I don't think that I have felt creative enough to do it. It is that time of year. How can I write when it is so dark and gray outside. I actually started writing posts several times and haven't got up the gusto to do it. I don't know what about today has spurred some sort of ambition. Maybe it is the pretty snow flakes fluttering by my window. Maybe it is the lack of sleep due to staying up to watch the Oscars. The thing is I haven't really seen any of the movies that were nominated. I just didn't want to be left out of the Oscar Buzz.

On a more focused note. My Chinese Carrot is almost ready to be picked. I can actually see the carrot poking out of the top of the dirt. I am debating on when I should pick it. I am definitely waiting until after this week. My co-worker is in Mexico and I am sure that he would like to see the carrot. So I will definitely wait until he comes back. I hope it actually tastes like a carrot. My biggest fear is that I watered it too much and it is going to be a mushy carrot.

Let's see.....Josh is liking his new job. Today he traveled to Sheboygan to the Wal-Mart store there. Why I don't know. This new job has him traveling a little more between stores. That is fine, but it would be nice to tell me when he travels. This morning when I got out of the shower he was on the internet looking at mapquest. I asked him what he was looking up. He practically yelled "I needed to know how to get to Sheboygan from here. I told you a long time ago I had to go there today!!" My first thought is, ok so you told me and I forgot. The second thought is maybe you could have dropped that into some conversation yesterday instead of yelling at me now. There were several lulls in conversation he could have filled with. "Oh yeah, remember I am going to Sheboygan tomorrow." But No, that never happened.

We decided that we are heading down to Florida this May to visit my grandparents. I haven't seen my grandparents in close to a year. My grandma was in a lot of back pain last fall. Now she is better. What a fighter that lady is. So Josh is looking forward to that. Josh hasn't been able to spend very much time with my grandparents. I just hope that he will talk. I have a very tough time getting him to talk, he better talk when he is around them!!! He is looking forward to fishing with my grandpa. I am looking forward to some time with my grandma. I grew up spending time with my grandma Chase and Grandma Dorothy. I miss that!! I cherished all those times. The picking apples, making applesauce, fishing, gardening, making 'sghetti sauce and all the times Chelsea and I played dress up! Oh to be a child again and have very few cares in the world!

So What's New With You?

I got a phone call last night from my friend Annie from high school. I haven't talked to her since christmas time. I meant to call on her birthday but that was the week that we were moving. So that never happened. In fact I feel like the most awful person at keeping in touch right now. The problem is that I don't feel like I have anything to say. Before the wedding I had plenty to talk and complain about. I can't/don't want to bitch about work. Side Note: Dooce was on ABC nightly news yesterday and I missed it. A little peeved about that. I can watch the video if I subscribe to RealOne player at $12.95 a month. I am not planning on doing that so I have to reside myself to the fact that I can't/won't ever see it.... :(

Now we are settled in and live regular old boring lives. Except on two separate occasions this week we have hurt ourselves while playing with Jackson. On Tuesday I was playing with Jackson. In the middle of it I picked him up to pet and tease him. He got REALLY wild and threw his head back into my lip. My lip swelled up and it is still sore. Then last night Josh and Jackson were playing on/near the couch. The way that we have our living room set up Jackson can jump over one of the couches. Which he has a lot of fun doing especially while playing go fetch. So he and Josh were horsing around and all of a sudden I hear Jackson yelp. I turn to see Josh rolling on the ground and Jackson licking his face. Josh ended up with a HUGE goose egg along his hairline. It is surprising that such a little dog can cause so much pain.