Scared

I have always thought of myself as a strong person. That all seems to change everytime I have a health problem. Especially related to my joints. When I had my first knee surgery I cried because of never being able to basketball again. I cried before surgery because I was scared shitless. I cried shortly after I was told that I would have to have surgery again. Lump in my breast same deal. My health scares me. When there is something wrong with me I lose it.

Recently I have been having a LOT of problems with my right hip. I am sure that the irritation has been escalated due to my weight gain since high school. But that isn't my concern at the moment. My concern is how can I get motivated when I cannot walk comfortably. My hip has been cracking and popping. When that happens I stop. I stop because of the pain screaming through my body. It screams from my hip down to my knee. Sometimes even through to the ankle. Oh I don't have to be stand for this to happen. I can be readjusting myself in bed or on the couch. Therefore there is no safe place that I can be. The pain can come with a blink of an eye.

So when I went to the Dr for my usual woman appt I told the Dr. of my pain. He could not see anything wrong with my x-ray so he sent it to a radiologist. The radiologist said that he could see the early stages of arthritis setting in. Also, that I had a condition called congenital hip dysplasia. This is more common in young children. Everything that I have read does say that if you have a mild case it may be difficult to diagnose. If you have a less severe case you can live with it for years and not know until you reach adulthood. On top of all that I have a flat spot in the ball at the femur head. So what is supposed to be a nice ball joint is kind of jagged sometimes. This does explain the pop/pain phenomenon that I have experienced. My doctor didn't have a lot to offer in the way of suggestions to fix this. He just said that he hopes that it isn't necessary to replace the hip due to my age.

I am off the the Sports Medicine clinic again. I am scared. I don't know what to expect. I don't know how to deal with it other than breaking down into tears.