A Catholic Pastime?

I know I have been a bad blogger. My mother brought that to my attention last night. The funny thing is my mother can send me packing on a guilt trip without warning. Maybe that is why I have become such a responsible person. The fact that if I don't follow through I am riddled with guilt. Or if I say the wrong thing I feel guilty about it. I don't only feel guilt right then and there, it recurs every time I think of that conversation. In fact I had a bought of guilt last night over an e-mail I wrote to some co-workers last night.

I checked my work e-mail before I went to bed. There was an e-mail from our department head about not following through with a protocol. The e-mail was sent as a reminder of the recent change in protocol and that one of my GPCR group (there are 5, soon to be 6 of us) had deviated from the protocol. The general demeanor of our group is supportive, but we tend to pick on each other. When a mistake is made it is common to joke about the mistake. Never in a negative connotation, but jokingly. We all have a thick skin about it and know when to stop. So, naturally when this e-mail is sent about one of us making a mistake I send this e-mail to the group. I poked fun at the mistake and then continued to write them to let them know what was up with me. When I originally wrote the e-mail I meant to send it to the 3 guys in the group. At the bottom of the e-mail I said that I hadn't heard from any of them since I had left. I added my supervisor as an after thought so that she could hear how I was doing too.

The guilt kicks in because I didn't want my supervisor to think that this comment was about her. She came to see me in the hospital and has written. She has been wonderful about the whole thing. I tossed and turned over it for a while. I thought about sending her a separate e-mail. In the end I fell asleep. I got an e-mail from her today telling me about work and another inviting me to lunch with the group next Wednesday. I am SO happy to be getting out of the house to see them! My guilt washed away and I didn't even think twice about it all day.

I also had an e-mail from one of the guys. To be honest the guy that I least expected to hear from. It was pleasant and funny and made me smile. The thing that has gotten me thinking is this: He first said that I must have been raised Catholic because Catholics are good at sending people on guilt trips. He said he knew I meant that those jerk guys didn't care how I was. The funny thing is I sent him on a guilt trip without even realizing it. All that I wanted was someone to write to me. I am getting VERY lonely. It is hard to spend day after day in a 1200 sq ft apartment without feeling like the walls are closing in.

So I guess that I have learned either a famous woman or Catholic trait across the way. What do you think? Do Catholics pass along the guilt that the church makes them feel onto others? Or is it something we woman have honed across the years to get what we want? Either way, is this something that can become so subconscious that we don't even realize that we are doing it anymore?

D-day

Today is the day. The day that I have been waiting for and dreading with every cell of my being. I am sitting here in my towel starving. I know that I wouldn't usually be hungry at 4am, but just knowing that I cannot eat makes it all worse! I would be lying if I said that I wasn't nervous, but I know that this is all for the best. No pain, no gain right? Keep me in your thoughts and prayers over the next couple weeks. I will be home on Sunday. I hope that I can write a post soon after I get home!

See you on the flip side!

Notes From Across the Country

I am currently sitting in a Starbucks in Bellevue, Washington. Bellevue is a suburb of Seattle. So I think that this an appropriate thing to do here. I feel like a nerd with my coffee and my laptop. When in Rome....... So here are some notes from all over.

First, I am having a good time at the conference. I have learned a lot. I have survived my poster presentations thus far. I am taking some time off this afternoon. My brain is pretty well fried at the moment. There a couple of more sessions that I am going to at 5 and 5:30. I will stand by my poster for another 1/2 hour or so then head back to my hotel room. I have had a couple tough questions. The hardest was an asian man with a french accent who spoke REALLY softly. I think that I answered his question. His english wasn't very good, so I am not sure. I had poster copies available so he can email any other questions that he may have.

Secondly, I went to the space needle and pike's place market in Seattle. I drove there and back and didn't get lost. Thank the good Lord that Mapquest was right this time. I will post pictures when I get back. I got to the top of the space needle and realized that I forgot my camera. So I had to spend $17 on a disposable camera. I was pissed. So I made sure that I used the most of it. I took a TON of pictures. Too bad it was cloudy that day. I left during the rain in Madison and landed in the rain in Seattle. Go figure!!

What else? I received a call from the Red Cross. My blood I was mutilated for last week was unable to be used. There was a clot in it. The woman on the line asked me if it was a difficult donation. I told her it was the WORST donation experience that I have had in my life. She was shocked and apologetic. She wanted me to come in and donate more blood. However they only have self donations on Wednesday morning, otherwise I would get off the plain going straight to the Red Cross.

I don't know if there was anything else that I can tell you. I am going to go out to dinner with a co-worker tonight somewhere near by. She is arriving tonight for the final day of the conference tomorrow. She is staying at my hotel so I left her a note for her to get when she gets here. I have really enjoyed my trip. I wish that I would have had some more time to go somewhere else. My grandfather mentioned the Boeing field in Seattle. I don't really have that much interest in seeing planes. I know that Josh would have loved to see that. Microsoft is based nearby. I did all that I really wanted to see.

When I get back home I will try to call my grandparents to make sure that they are still there. I am sure that they are as Wilma has hit 100 miles south of them.

Final thought for the day. One week from today I will be under the knife. Fear is starting to set in. I cannot think about it without getting butterflies in my stomach. I truly hope that all goes well!!!

The Idiot with the Harpoon

I had to give 2 pints of blood prior to my surgery. I gave on the 3rd. I gave myself a break and gave the other pint today. I am a pretty regular blood donor so I give blood as often as I can. We aren't rich people so helping out by giving blood is a small thing that I can do to help! So I eagerly agreed to donate blood for my surgery. I would rather get blood from myself instead of someone else.

A co-worker of mine is also having surgery next month and is self donating. We went on the same day the first time that we donated. So we had the same nurse draw our blood. We both agreed that this woman wasn't quite right. She donated earlier this week and had a different nurse. I went yesterday and had the same dimwit!

I had blood drawn earlier this week for my work up at the hospital so my right arm was bruised. She thought that we should use the left arm instead. I thought "Ok, I have had problems in the past maybe this will be different!" She put the needle into my arm. The blood wasn't freely flowing. She proceeded to move the needle around in my arm. She pushed it in further and pulled it out. The thought of it now makes me gag. I almost passed out from her moving it around so much. On top of it they may not be able to use that pint of blood because it took so long to collect!!!! So I was pretty frustrated.

The Waiting Game

Are you as sick of hearing about my surgery as I am talking about it? I am sick of talking about it but I get questions daily from people about how my hip is feeling and asking details of the surgery. The thing is right now. I don't think that there is a day I am not in pain. I wake up in pain every morning. It doesn't really matter how I sleep. It happens. It is especially bad if I wake up on my right side. Which happens more often than I would like. I cannot control the rolling over that I do at night.

What a difference a year makes! A year ago I was worrying about the wedding. I was droning on about the wedding blahs.... believe me I checked! I was complaining about my messy house and all that I do is wedding stuff. One year later same story different event! Except my house is messy because it is difficult for me to clean it. I can do some things but I pay for it later. So sometimes I feel like why even do it? I called and checked on the couch. Slumberland said that it should be arriving there around the middle of the month. Which is in a week or so. Hopefully they keep up their end of the bargain.

Anyway. Have a good weekend. We are attending game night at a co-worker's house tomorrow and not really doing much on Sunday. We shall see. The Slackers play at noon. Maybe we will watch it! Maybe.....